Last month, Rachel Rueben shared a post which stated, in part, that children can understand sarcasm by age six. It also said that people with frontotemporal dementia lack the ability to understand it. I wasn’t terribly surprised about the comment about children. My granddaughter, who turned 9 in September, is possibly the most sarcastic child on Earth. I can’t confirm this scientifically, because I don’t know every child on Earth. However, I do know my granddaughter, and she’s extremely sarcastic. (You see my line of reasoning, it’s sound—ish) Considering that she comes from a long line of sarcastic people: her parents, their parents and their parents, it’s really not surprising. It will be interesting to see how her little sister fares in this sarcastic environment. I lay bets that the younger one will be even more scathing and sarcastic than her older sister. But give her time, okay? She’s only six months old.
Speaking of children, which we were in the previous paragraph, as well as higher brain functions, I thought I’d share a couple of quotes with you which deal with one or the other. (Yes, grasping at a straw for a theme. Get over it, it will continue until Doomsday, or possibly Lent, depending upon which comes first).
From Blacksmith’s Heart
Hana Sutherland is visiting a dude ranch, with her Great Aunt Enid, who is recovering after a stroke. While there, she meets Jasper Flying Eagle. They take a real shine to one another. He invites her to go for horseback ride, then starts giving her instructions like she’s a child. Hana finds it amusing, but a little annoying, as well.
“What time do you want me to be ready?” Hana asked.
“Around ten. Oh, and cover up more. Jeans and a long sleeved shirt, boots and a hat. You’ll also want your sunglasses and some sunscreen. You’re too fair to be out without it at midday,” Jasper replied.
“Yes, Papa, I promise to dress warm.” She winked at him.
He ducked his head, not meeting her eyes. “I just want you safe, Hana Belle.”
She took his hand, squeezing his fingers gently until he looked at her. “I know, I’m just teasing. You’ll have to spend more time with me so you can learn to tell the difference. About the only way my family knows how to communicate is with sarcasm.”
Jasper chuckled, glancing at her Aunt Enid. “Oh, I’d never noticed the sarcastic bent. Must come from your mother’s side.”
“I’m sure that’s where she gets it. It couldn’t possibly come from a sweet old thing like me.”
From Beach Babe
Fiona Cartwright is an actress, though not very famous yet. She’s in Florida, filming a new TV show, when her brothers come to visit. She, her boyfriend, his brother and hers all go to the grocery store. The teenage bagger recognizes her from a horror movie she was in a few years ago, and can hardly speak, he’s so excited to meet her. (The fact that she’s tall, blonde and beautiful might factor into his attraction.) Her brothers are stunned, and somewhat upset, by his reaction to her.
Kyle said with a smirk. “Damn, baby sister! I never thought of you as a sex symbol.”
“But that boy sure does,” Rich added with a shift of his shoulders. “Dammit, you suppose Jessica Alba’s brother feels like I do right now?”
“Like you want to throttle him?” Kyle asked as he opened the car. “If she’s got one, pretty damn sure he does.”
There wasn’t a lot of talk in the car until we were out of the parking lot.
“That was a strange experience,” Rory said. “Fame, eh? What’s your opinion on that, Fiona?”
“Not sure yet, Rory. I guess we’ll find out. And that boy didn’t think I was a sex symbol,” I said sternly, punching Kyle when he stopped for the light.
All four males turned to me as if they’d practiced it. Their expressions were identical, as if to say, Go on living in denial because you obviously aren’t wise enough to live in the real world. My interpretation might be a bit cynical.
“My darling Fiona,” Rory said in a patronizing tone. “You have six brothers and yet you continue to amaze me at how oblivious you are to the inner workings of the male mind. Shocking. Very. You lot are useless,” he chided Kyle and Rich. “Didn’t teach her a damn thing about men. What were you thinking?”
Kyle laughed. Rich blushed. “Considering how we all are, we figured maybe she was better off not knowing.”
“Now I’m very interested! How y’all are? Hmm? I hear a story there.”
“Suffice to say, your brothers might have been Boy Scouts, but we weren’t choir boys.”
From A Novel Romance
But enough about siblings and children (sort of?) on to higher brain function. Lionel Pettigrew is a college professor, and a certified genius. He’s so smart, he makes smart people look dumb. He’s recently met Arista, who has been hired as his new research assistant. At the moment, he’s at a boring conference and finds himself in need of entertainment, so he texts Arista.
Arista got a text message a moment later. Grinning, she showed the attachment to Monica. Lionel had taken a picture of the people at the meeting. All of them looked asleep, including the speaker. She and Monica laughed about it as they went back to their offices.
“I’m surprised he knows how to use the camera,” Monica said. “Let alone save and send it.”
“He’s probably playing with his phone functions out of desperation. He never needed to learn it before. I bet he knows more about it when he gets back than the two of us do together.” They all had the same model of phone.
She got another text message, this time without a picture. “I am losing higher brain functions. I just forgot Ancient Macedonian.”
“Ask him a question,” she sent back.
“What should I ask?”
“What’s he talking about?”
“I dunno. Stuff.”
“Make something up. Totally off the wall. You’re a genius. Act like one.”
There was a pause. A few minutes later, Arista got another text.
“Me: Dr. White, what do you think of the work of Dr. Qui? Dr. White: Dr. Who? Me: Qui. Dr. White: Who’s that? Me: Nothing, sorry. Something else entirely. Carry on.”
“Evil genius,” Arista replied.
“He’s winding it up early. I broke his train of thought. Boohoo. Crap, he’s asking me who Dr. Qui is. Got 2 Go.”
“Spanked by your own brilliance.”
© 2018 Dellani Oakes
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Stay tuned next month when one of us will be talking more about sarcasm. I had a list, but ironically, I can’t find it. Until then, enjoy our daily offerings and please be sure to follow all Cereal Authors on Facebook, Twitter, etc. It will make us happy, and trust me, you want us happy….