Yesterday, which is roughly a month before this article is actually posted, I asked my fellow Cereal Authors if one of them wanted to write the Sarcasm post for October. An overwhelming chorus of “Go for it!” reached my ears. Kind of what I expected, because my life is not only sarcastically oriented, it’s also peppered with irony. The message we take away from this? Don’t ask if you don’t want to be told to go for it.
Another irony: I had started a post months ago, and lost it. In fairness to me, it was hand written and in a notebook that I’d taken to the doctor’s office. Sadly, I can’t remember which notebook it’s in, and I don’t feel like looking for it right now. That isn’t entirely my fault, the hurricane blew in stuff that’s making me sneeze. Blame it on Mother Nature. (But don’t tell her, my home insurance will go up if she has a tantrum.)
However, we aren’t here to discuss the weather or irony, we’re talking sarcasm. I’ve been told that I’m mildly—just a tad—sarcastic. Can’t imagine where that idea came from, but since it’s true-ish, I might as well run with it, right? Sarcasm isn’t limited to me, but tends to appear in my characters as well. That’s okay, though. I like sarcasm and find it an effective tool in dialogue, as well as every day life. Grant you, it can get you in trouble if the person who’s listening to you takes your words literally, not sarcastically. Can you believe there are people in this world who don’t get sarcasm? How is that possible? I don’t understand it. It must be something in the water. (That could be true. Right?)
Be that as it may, I’m rambling (I do that when I haven’t got my thoughts together) I’m hoping that a real focus will come to me before I finish this article, but I’m pretty sure it won’t. This may very well be gibberish by the time I’m done. I guess the best thing to do is share a sarcastic snippet from my own work. I saved a few, just for fun, and in case I was told by my friends, “Go for it!” This is me, going for it.
Below is an excerpt from an unpublished story, Blacksmith’s Heart. Jasper +is a blacksmith. More specifically, he’s a farrier, but most people don’t know the difference. He’s been contacted by one of his wealthy clients, Mitch, who adopts wild Mustangs. He’s just gotten a new herd and wants Jasper to shoe them. Jasper agrees and invites his girlfriend, Hana, to join him at Mitch’s ranch. Shortly after they arrive, they are sharing refreshments and talking with Mitch and his wife, Issy.
“Do you want me to get started right now?” Jasper asked.
“Rest a bit,” Mitch said. “Those critters can wait. They’ve gone this long without shoes, they can go a little longer.”
“You could consider barefoot or in boots,” Jasper said as they sat around the living room on low couches.
“Yeah, but I’m a traditional guy. Not only that, given the terrain around here, I’m a little nervous about barefoot horses.”
“They’ve gone their entire lives unshod, Mitch,” Jasper laughed.
“Yeah, and you should see the condition their hooves are in. I’ll let you decide. They all need a good trim even if we don’t put shoes on. Never did see such a man as him trying to talk customers out of parting with their cash,” Mitch chuckled. “If it were up to him, he’d be the only unemployed farrier in the business.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Jasper leaned against the back of the couch, putting his arm behind Hana. “It’s just the Mustangs. I feel like they ought to stay like God made them.”
“That’s the Native soul,” Issy said. “You want the freedom of the plains, the open prairie.”
“Yeah, that and putting a shoe on a wild Mustang that don’t want it ain’t the most fun I’ve had in a day,” he laughed, copying Mitch’s drawl perfectly.
“What is the most fun you’ve had in a day, Jasper?” Issy asked, feigning innocence.
“Miss Issy, you don’t like that kinda talk round your kids, remember?”
She giggled, blushing prettily. Hana laughed at him, kissing his cheek.
“Reckon you’ll tell me sometime?” she murmured.
“Probably not.” He winked at her.
“Before this conversation degenerates, let me show you those horses. Boys, Willow, I need your help now. Get your boots on and come out directly.”
“Yes, Dad,” all three replied as they went to do what they were told.
“The twins are too young to help. They just turned nine. The others have been rounding up horses forever. Got your gear?”
“Would I travel all this way without it, Mitch? That would make sense, right?” Jasper led the way to the SUV.
“You can stay in here for the time being,” Issy said. “This process takes forever. Mitch could have had those horses in the corral all day, but he waits until Jasper gets here.”
“Doesn’t Jasper mind?”
“It’s all part of the pageantry. They are very into the pageantry. I believe they think up new ways to complicate it each time.”
This is not the most, nor the least, sarcastic excerpt I can find. It is, though, what you get this month. I could dish up another one, but if you keep up with my daily Character Quotes, you’re getting a fairly high dose of sarcasm already. Too much is bad for your spleen, I’m sure I read that somewhere. Since I’d hate to be responsible for a splenic fracture (it’s real, look it up!) I’ll curtail my desire to share every little bit of sarcasm I can reap from my books.
I find it noteworthy that when I was writing my original post for Sassy Sarcasm, I was looking at my flashdrive and running a quick search for sarcasm – since the post had that in its title. Everything I’d ever written came up in response – except the sarcasm post, which I found truly ironic. Maybe next time, I’ll try writing a post on irony and see if it will have more sarcasm for me. I feel as if I could be far more sarcastic, but the words simply won’t bend to my will. I’m sure that can’t have anything to do with the fact that I’m falling asleep at the computer, can it? Na, not possible.
© 2017 Dellani Oakes